Suicide Note (should you jump from a great height)
The city stretches out before me, her calm, patient arms outspread.
She has been there for my heart aches,
for all those nights I’m dying to remember,
for those nights I can neither live with nor forget.
She who has whispered to me softly on the nights when sleep eludes me,
she who spirits me away when all others demand I acquiesce,
she who has both in turn hid and delivered me to raging demons,
she, the city, stretches out before me, her gentle arms outspread.
A soft smile catches my lips as I take one final step.
The city races up to catch me, to hold me in my final breath.
I was his servant. Do anything wrong, you get punished. Do anything right, you still get punished, for you are not supposed to be able to do anything right.
- Cosmic, Time Out of Place
when I’m curled up alone,
hiding out from the cold,
wishing I was next to them,
just the two of us
keeping each other warm.
It is too early for this.
I was suppose to go home today (or yesterday really) to work on my FAFSA and jazz, but these antibiotics make me super sleepy. My mom thus decided to come by my dorm after Temple. They’re Mormon. I’m not really sure how Temple works, but I know my mom goes there every Saturday to marry people who are already dead. Weird, but to each his own.
We talked for a couple of hours which was great. I love mom and John, but I hardly ever get to see them. There were somethings that were irksome. My mom kept demanding to see the bite, but as it’s all the way on my upper thigh, I was like, “No! My body;” she wanted to brush and braid my hair, neither of which is she very good at. Her fascination with fishtail braids is unparalleled though. She think’s they’re spiffy as hell.
Lastly, my mom just would not shut up about getting me to eat. I made the mistake of telling her I hadn’t eaten anything since I was bitten, so like Wednesday night, and she flipped out. She wouldn’t let it go, so I got all the worst foods I could manage from the cafeteria: lots of bacon, half a waffle, and egg and cheese biscuit, a salad dressed in Thousand Island, and some Cinnamon Toast Crunch. That will show her.
Now I just want to go back to fucking sleep.
That was creepy as fuck.
The first time I venture out of my room all day (because these antibiotics knock me out like nobody’s business and make me not hungry) was a really weird experience.
I went to the bathroom to do my business. When I got out, I turned around to find this girl staring at me. Like fucking boring into me with her fucking eyes like she could set me on fire with her mind or something. Holy shit! I was like, “Hello? May I help you?”
She then spent the entire time I was washing my hand awkwardly apologizing. I’m just like, “Oh, my god. This is so uncomfortable. Please, let me go back to sleep.”
This is why I don’t leave my goddamn room. Muggles.